Scarlet Letter I

My last blog was about something I was proud of sharing. These sentiments not so much. For this is the story about my intimate relationship with being impulsive. Think the scarlet letter I. As in,  I can be Impulsive. And, when I saw my oldest son recently showing impulsive tendencies, I knew it was time for me to take a moment, write, reflect, and hopefully grow a bit from the experience. 

My son wanted to cover a stain up in his carpeted bedroom. So, without measuring, or really even thinking, he used the first thing he could find which was a small area rug tucked away in the garage. Needless to say, the rug didn’t match the decor or his room dimensions. It was a quick fix to cover something up. Sound familiar? The rug spent all of 2 hours in his room before he decided it wasn’t the right fix.  So, out went the rug in the hallway and eventually (not soon enough) back into the garage it went. 

Seeing my son do something  I would have easily done myself and regretted, made me immediately take pause. First, to silently apologize to him for giving him some of my negative traits. And, then to reflect upon how I could become less impulsive and in doing so model better behavior for him.

So, how am I trying to teach myself to be less impulsive and slow down? 

For starters, I have become a regular Pilates and Bikram Yoga practitioner. Both of these activities are focused on slowing the mind and moving the body to act in accordance to mental cues. They are also both based on small movements that target specific muscles. Neither is about being fast and careless with the mind or body. And, by default, each require an active, yet controlled brain. A mind that thinks through things and focuses beyond that moment in time. 

And, the best part is, I have found these physical activities, which I schedule consistently, have impacted my professional and personal life as well. Rather than doing things as I have for decades, I find myself hitting the pause button more and thinking…

• Can I reread this email or blog once more to make sure my thoughts are cohesive?
• Can the paper software log-in cards I seem to recycle after each training be laminated and preserved for future workshops?
• Can I resist the need to text a friend right back? And, in doing so, let my thoughts marinate a little longer.

I am still at war with this pesky impulsive trait of mine. It would be imprudent, and yes impulsive, of me to say otherwise. But, I know that after sharing and acknowledging this and virtually tossing this letter I to sea, I have moved the needle a little further in the right direction. In a world where things come at us so quickly, I welcome the notion of slowing down, pumping the mental brakes a bit, and choosing my next steps with greater care and consideration.